The solution to the credit crunch!

Apply for as many credit cards as possible all at exactly the same time. 20-30 should do it and carry on spending as normal. Hell, spend a bit more if the mood takes you!

If the cards all run out, start stealing from other people. Those that you’re really close to are best, they’re far less likely to realise or do anything about it if they catch you. Start small: spare change, kitchen appliances, that kind of thing. If all goes well, find out their pin and clean out the bank accounts.

However, the biggest tip I can give anyone trying to ride out the recession, (you’ll kick yourself when I tell you, it’s so simple)


Paying for things seriously eats into your finances. If you’re struggling to pay for something, but you do really want it, just take it. If you get caught, just push the security guard over then run away (this works especially well if you have an identical twin sibling to blame it on).

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If I get caught I just claim that I forgot to pay for it. Just wheel your trolley full of shopping out of tesco’s, if they stop you just claim you forgot all about paying.

It makes 2/3 trips completely free!

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