I went to the hospital today, parked and an attendant told me: “You can’t park here. It’s badge holders only.” But that was why I was there, I did have a bad
Am I deaf?
I told my doctor that I thought I was going deaf and he asked "What are the symptoms?"
Idiot, everyone knows they are a yellow cartoon family from Springfield!
Rollerblading problems
Q: What’s the worst thing about rollerblading? A: Telling your parents you’re
Yesterday
(sing out loud) Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There’s not half the files there used to be, And there’s a milestone hanging over me The system crashed
Tnetennba
“Good morning, that’s a nice Tnetennba”! What is a “Tnetennba”, well it’s a kind of hat made from straw with a long 2 metre veil made of rabbit’s fur. It’s commonly worn by the Ashanti
Funny facebook statuses
It was only recently that I realised that my hilariously funny facebook statuses were only being seen by my friends and I was depriving the worldwide community! I’ve copied and pasted a few from the
Ugly baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Damn! That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Yuk!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She
Burying your goldfish
Don’t think my Nan will like that
Garfield, without Garfield?
This site was on someones MSN status earlier, ever wondered what a Garfield cartoon would look like when Garfield wasn’t there? Genius. Click here to view Garfield minus
New Design – WordPress 2.5
Okay, I stole most of it, but here’s a new design which encorporates the new WordPress 2.5.1 features. It has all sorts of new stuff and it needs to be tested somewhere. So I grabbed
What did the slug say to the snail?
“Big
No eyed deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? Bambi’s
In the cemetry
I went to the cemetery the other day and saw 4 men carrying a coffin, 3 hours later I saw the same 4 men with the same coffin. Thought to myself – they’ve lost the f**king
Authodontical Shoes
First man: When I was a little boy I had a really bad posture and stance, so I had to wear these authodontical shoes. Second man: Don’t you mean orthopaedic? First man: Oh, I stand
Need a new pet
I was feeling a little lonely the other day, so I decided to get myself a pet. I went down the local pet shop and asked the owner for a low maintenance pet which would
Feel the Force!
Darth Vader says to Luke Skywalker “I know what you’ve got for Christmas”. Luke Skywalker replies “How do you know that?” “I felt your
Sheep joke
Australian country farmer goes into his bedroom with a sheep under one arm and his wife is laying in bed reading. He says: “look darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you’ve got
Free pint.
Man walks into a pub with a rucksack on his shoulder, goes up to the barman and says: “I don’t have any money, but if I show you something truly amazing, can I have a
lastminute.com – Poor customer service
So I booked up a trip to Paris with last minute, got all the details through, everything looked really good. Lastminute.com were fast, the site was clean and professional, so far so good. Planned
What do you do if you see a space man?
…Park in it man! I know, terrible, that’s why it’s in the “Bad Jokes”
Camouflage Trousers
I went out to buy some camouflage trousers the other day. I couldn’t find
Three men in a car crash
They all die and find themselves standing at the gates of heaven talking to Saint Peter. Peter talks them through all the facilities and what they should expect and tells them they’ll need some sort
A mans Newt
A man walks into a bar with a Newt on his shoulder. The barman comments, that’s nice, what do you call him? The man says “I call him Tiny” The barman asks “why do you call him
Free stuff!
Nearly almost definitely rubbish, but I thought I’d give it a go and I’ve had 2 referrals already, need another 2 for my free Nintendo DS. Apparently people are getting stuff out of this,
I found a penguin outside my house!
I came home yesterday and I found this penguin outside my house. I rang the police and asked them what to do, and they told me to take it to the nearest Zoo. So I took
I went to a Zoo the other day…
…there was only one dog. It was a shiatsu (sh1t
Things to do in a lift
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?” 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at
BMC Patrol – BMC Performance Manager
Basically for the past five years (as of October 2006), BMC Patrol (Now BMC Performance Manager) is my profession. I dabble in XHTML/CSS, (and am pretty competent in PHP, MySQL, Shell script, PEARL)
Evening all, RSS feeds added
All this is still quite new to me, RSS feeds and the like, but I thought I’d give it a try. I’ve linked in two of the other sites I’m involved with at